


When you hold me, I'm alive.

by RebornySuperbia



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Fix-It, Harry lives but the church ruined him, Hartwin, Hurt/Comfort, I sort of forgot JB, M/M, Post-Canon, Traumatized!Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-15 00:02:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3430451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebornySuperbia/pseuds/RebornySuperbia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry survives the bullet and comes back home (where Eggsy now lives). After the church, he isn't the calm and composed Harry anymore.</p>
<p>OR: Obligatory Fix-it fic where Harry is traumatized from the events of the church in Kentucky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When you hold me, I'm alive.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written in one day, and was not beta'd. If you find any mistakes, please notify me! Also, it took me like one week to see the movie four times, ship Hartwin, and make two other people ship it. Harry doesn't die and I will live on believing that until there's a sequel and they confirm he's dead (I'll still probably think he's alive after that).

            Harry was back, and that was all that mattered. Their reunion wasn’t what Eggsy expected, not that he was expecting Harry to be back in the first place.

            When the Kingsman offered him a house, he picked one next to Harry’s for his mother and little sister, but had the key to Harry’s. He lived there alone, telling his mother that he’s taking care of it for a friend. It was half-true, he was taking care of it for a friend. Maybe he was somehow repaying that friend. He slept in one of the vacant rooms instead of Harry’s house. Sometimes when he found himself dreaming of Harry and Valentine’s gun being shot, he went to the older man’s room and sat on the bed. He didn't know why he did it, but it somehow comforted him.

            It was a Thursday when Harry came back. Eggsy had just finished dressing in his suit. He smoothed his hand over the fabric then picked up his glasses. Suddenly, he heard the front door open. Strange, he thought. He didn’t remember giving his mother the keys to his-… Harry’s house. He put on his glasses and picked up his umbrella, setting it on “stun”. He left the room and listened carefully; the unexpected guest was down, and judging by the thud he heard, he had things with him. He pointed his umbrella forward and slowly descended the stairs. When the lower floor came to view, he saw that the thud was caused by small travel bag. The man was in the dining room, and he was pouring himself a drink. _Asshole_. Eggsy took slow steps and aimed at the back of the man’s head. “Turn around slowly,” Eggsy said calmly.

            The man took a sip and set the glass down on a coaster, and that was when Eggsy noticed the golden ring. He heard another thud, or was it his heart suddenly beating louder?

            “I see you’ve taken good care of the house, Eggsy,” the man spoke, and Eggsy’s grip on the umbrella loosened, maybe a little too much, and it slipped from his hands. He turned, and Harry fucking Hart is standing in front of him. Harry Hart, whom he last saw in this house, was in front of him in his bespoke navy suit. The last time he saw Harry, they were in the same house, but Eggsy was a different person then. Eggsy took a step forward and placed his hand on either sides of Harry’s face. He was staring, eyes wide, mouth agape. And Harry fucking smiled and Eggsy sobbed out his words. He embraced the older man, and Harry rested his forehead against his protégé.

            “Don’t you fuckin’ do it again, you hear?” muttered Eggsy, his last words choked. Harry pressed a kiss on Eggsy’s forehead and the younger man tried to calm himself down, his breath hitching, his shoulders shaking. Harry ran his hand through Eggsy’s hair and pulled him closer, Eggsy now nuzzling Harry’s neck.

            “It’s alright Eggsy, I’m here,” Harry whispered.

-x-

            Harry was back, but Harry wasn’t the same. He was tired, he wasn’t as calm and collected as he used to be. When he woke up, it was clear he didn’t get enough sleep. Eggsy noted that when they ate breakfast. Harry would catch him staring, and Eggsy would just look away and think about it.

            Harry wasn’t ready to go back to Kingsman. His injuries were still deep. Apparently, the shot only grazed his head, not causing any fatal injuries. But a shot to the head was still a shot to the head. Harry needed the home rest. Eggsy tried to be present as much as possible so the former Kingsman wouldn’t be lonely. But duty called almost every day.

-x-

            The nightmares were frequent, some days more than others. Depending on the pain he feels, Harry would dream of the church in Kentucky, of all the people he killed without intention, and of Valentine’s gun shooting him. Harry was sure the shot killed him until he woke up and found Merlin standing over him. “How was it on the other side?” he asked.

_Fucking terrifying._

            Harry still suffers from that suffocation every time he went to sleep, and when it was too much, he would wake up startled. On bad nights, he would wake up screaming.

            Well, today was one those days.

            Eggsy had returned early with a takeaway pizza. Something Harry wouldn’t eat but Eggsy insisted since he was still recovering and shouldn’t be doing any chores. (Cooking isn’t a chore, he thought.) They sat next to each other, the young Kingsman’s shoulder brushing against his, and watched Goldfinger.

            The pizza was half-gone, and the two were struggling to keep their eyes open. Eggsy slowly dozed off, his head resting on Harry’s shoulder. Harry’s hand went up and rested on Eggsy’s soft hair then he began stroking his head slowly. It was the second time Eggsy had been this close to him, since the day he arrived and the boy held him tightly. Harry wouldn’t like to admit it but he enjoyed Eggsy’s body against his. He liked holding him, touching him. He liked it even more after he _died_ and came back from the dead. He realized Eggsy might be gone any day, himself as well. He needed Eggsy next to him and every time Eggsy’s away, Harry has this slight fear that Merlin would call him and tell him that he died in action.

            “Eggsy, go to your room,” Harry whispered and slightly shook the younger man. Eggsy stirred and opened his eyes, looking up at man, then moved away quickly when realizing their close distance.

            “Sorry,” Eggsy muttered, standing up. Harry waved his hand dismissively.

            “You were asleep for a few minutes. To be honest, I felt bad waking you up,” Harry said and Eggsy smiled sheepishly.

            Harry stood up and turned off the television. They walked up the stairs, Eggsy leading, then stopped in front of Eggsy’s door. Harry squeezed Eggsy’s shoulder then turned. “Good night Eggsy.”

            -x-

            Eggsy woke up to a scream, Harry’s. It was 2:40 am. He quickly reached for his pistol and jumped from the bed. He made his way out of the room and looked down the stairs. It was quite. Clear. He quickly walked to Harry’s room and opened the door. He pointed his pistol and looked around. There was no one and nothing out of the ordinary. Well, except for Harry, who was sitting up in his bed, panting his hair messy and his face, _his face_ , terrified. Eggsy dropped the pistol and ran to the older man, grabbing his shoulders.

            “Harry, are you alright? What happened?” Eggsy asked, heart drumming.

            Harry stared at him, eyes wide and panicked. Eggsy began to feel worried when the man didn’t answer and all he could think of was that day in the church when he lost control of himself. Eggsy cupped Harry’s face and called out for him again. “Harry!”

            Harry wrapped his arms around Eggsy’s body, pulling him close. Eggsy froze in his place. Harry’s grip was firm, and he was breathing heavily against his bare chest. “Harry? Harry, what’s wrong? Please talk to me.”

            Harry looked up, breath still uneven, eyes still wide. “I… Eggsy, I killed them all.”

            Eggsy blinked a couple of times then gulped. He held Harry’s face in his hands again and shook his head. “No, Harry, it wasn’t you.”

            “I killed them. They were innocent, they didn’t deserve it.”

            _Well_ , Eggsy thought, but quickly brushed the thought away. “You weren’t yourself, it was Valentine’s fucking SIM, you couldn’t help it even if you tried.”

            Harry’s breathing seemed to have calmed down, but he still looked afraid. “Eggsy,” he said, and his voice sounded almost broken, and Eggsy felt a stab. Eggsy hummed in response and ran a hand through Harry’s hair. “I can’t sleep, I keep seeing the bodies every time I close my eyes. I keep feeling the shot.”

            Eggsy slightly pulled away from Harry’s grip and straddled the older man’s lap. “It’s killing me to see you this way, Harry.” He took one of Harry’s hands and entwined their fingers together. “Whatever it is, I’ll help you through it. Because that’s what you did, you helped me, and the least I could do is pay you back.”

            “Eggsy, it’s too complicated,” Harry replied, reaching up and brushing his knuckles against Eggsy’s cheek.

            Eggsy smiled and brought Harry’s hand to his lips. “I don’t give a fuck, Harry,” he said then kissed the other man’s hand. “Whatever you’re going through, I’ll be there next to you.”

            Harry’s other hand moved from Eggsy’s cheek to the back of his neck. He pulled him down and their lips met in a soft, slow kiss. Eggsy smiled, his hand resting on Harry’s neck, stroking it. Harry’s lips slightly shivered when he parted them, but Eggsy rubbed soothing circles with his thumb. Eggsy pulled back and grinned, forcing a smile from Harry. “I’m with you.” He leaned down and placed a quick, chaste kiss on his lips.

            Harry pulled him down on the bed then covered them both. Eggsy smirked. “Oh, isn’t it a bit late? Not that I mind.”

            “No, Eggsy,” Harry muttered, holding him closer. “Just, stay here.”

            Eggsy nuzzled his face in the man’s neck, inhaling his scent. This felt right, he thought. He felt safe with Harry’s arms around him, his body against him.


End file.
